Reality Check

I am a self proclaimed blog stalker. I love reading blogs, especially those of people I don't know going through awful things with their children(I know, I need help.) The two random strangers I have bookmarked are especially intriguing to me. One woman lost a child at birth, the other's child has a very serious heart condition. They write the most amazing posts! What I find most interesting is their seemingly unshakable faith during the most trying times. They write about it so eloquently! I, on the other hand, am a faith clod. I am terrified to share my opinions and faith because...
1. I don't want to seem like one of "those people."
2. I don't want to offend anyone
3. There are days when I feel very shakable
The truth is, I AM one of "those people." My faith governs all that I do and every decision I make. I'm just afraid to admit it to everyone, including myself. I have this crazy idea that if I pretend I'm clueless, God won't give me hard things to handle. Well, I had my reality check last night.
Most of you know my 15 month old has major food allergies. His list is so long, even his allergist is shaking his head. Thankfully, although his allergies are many, thus far, they have been an inconvenience. I feel badly that he itches all the time. I'm sad that he can't enjoy the foods I love. But, it was annoying at most.
As I ran out the door to a meeting last night, Andy was cooking dinner for the kids. We briefly discussed giving Isaac the supper we were having. We decided that he'd been tested for fish, it was negative, and he could have the entree, sans seasoning. Ten minutes into my meeting I received a call from Andy. He was panicked and crying that Isaac had broken out in hives and his face was swelling in the five minutes since he'd eaten the fish. Should he use the epi-pen? I felt so helpless. I had no clue what to do! I told him to grab Isaac and go find a neighbor. Have the neighbor drive, he was sit in the back with Isaac, and at any sign of breathing difficulty, give him the epi-pen. I was afraid an ambulance would take too long. I told Andy I'd meet him at the hospital. I hung up the phone and bolted out the door. Meanwhile, Andy was heading to the neighbor's to get some help. They weren't home. He later described walking up the street, carrying Isaac in just his onesie, pleading for someone to help him. For anyone who knows my strong, confident husband, this is heartbreaking. He finally found a neighbor to help. Thanks to John and Shelley for coming to Andy's rescue! Once inside the hospital, they gave him a dose of Benedryl, a dose of Prednisone, and a shot of Epinephrine. Although acting like he was hopped up on massive amounts of caffeine and Fun-Dip, he came through the episode unscathed.
My reality is, I have a child with a life-threatening condition. Certain foods could kill him. I was always sure this wouldn't happen to me. God only gives you the trials you can handle, right? I'm trying to convince Him I can't handle it. Unfortunately, He knows me better than I know myself. He thinks I can do this. I am putting my trust in Him, no matter the outcome.
Thank you to my friends who came to my rescue through prayer, watching my kids, and talking me through this horrible experience. I am so thankful for you!

Eat your heart out, Octo-mom! My lips are bigger than yours!